I was born in Bessboro, Mother and Baby Home, in Cork city back in 1966. My birth mum came from Co Kerry and I can only imagine the heartache she must have gone through to have me at the age of 19. Back in 1960's Ireland, life was much different and Mother and Baby homes were often run with an iron fist. The young mothers didn't get a choice when it came to anything they did their on a daily basis. And most of them didn't get a choice to keep their babies after birth either. I recently got my birth files from Tusla and I knew a few minor details of my birth but a lot of what I read was totally new to me and much of it was heartbreaking. But I do know that I was one of the lucky ones when it came to my adoption. I grew up with two wonderful parents who gave me everything that they could. I was a real daddy's girl and would scream the place down when he wasn't there. My mum was a wonderful lady too, but as a teacher herself, she wanted me to be the best and I often didn't meet her standards so she was very strict with me especially when it came to my schoolwork.

I also grew up with my first cousin, Marie Gerene who was more like a sister. We were the same age and went everywhere together. We fought like sisters did, but we always had each other's backs too. Sadly, she died back in 2006, aged 38. I miss her so much.

I had a very close knit immediate family who for the most part treated me like a full member of the family. To my parents, I was their daughter and nothing else. Sadly for me, some other members of the extended family often threw the adopted card at me from time to time and it hurt so much and broke my heart. I never told my parents as I didn't want to upset them or cause a family argument.

The adopted card was thrown at me in school too from a very young age, and I remember in primary school, being taunted that I was adopted and that my 'real mother' didn't want me, and that the 'old couple' who adopted me were not my parents. I came home crying to my dad as I didn't understand what it meant. He sat me down and explained how they had gone to adopt me, and the fact that they had got to choose me, meant that I was very special to them. I have never forgotten my dad's kind and loving words. 

I was 25 and living in New York City when I first heard of my Kerry connection. I was planning to get married and had asked my mum to send me on the documents that I needed. A baptismal cert landed with Kerry on it. When I questioned her later, she told me that my birth mum had come from Kerry and that she would have had no choice in keeping me. Then she told me that I had been adopted from Bessboro. 

When my mum died in 2013, I was registering her death when I first heard my birth mum's name. The lady who was registering mum's death began to chat with me and one thing lead to another. When she heard that I was adopted from Bessboro, she asked me if I knew what my birth mum's name was. I said that I didn't so then she asked me if I'd like to know it and she returned shortly after with a book showing my name at birth which was Helen and my birth mum's name was beside it. 

I did my DNA in 2019 and found 3 second cousins who I know now are on my birth father's side but I have no idea who he is. Later, I found 2 first cousins on my birth mum's side and my birth mum's daughter. Then I found another first cousin. I treasure these new family members and I know how short and precious life is, so I hope and pray that I will get to know them all soon. 

Out of respect for my birth mum's family and the sensitivity of the situation, I will not be posting her last name, photo or details. But I have written poems in her honor and I will always be thankful to her for all she sacrificed to give me life. I will also be thankful to my mum and dad who raised me too. I love and respect them all.......................

Me outside Bessboro Mother and Baby Home in Cork city where I was born in 1966. .

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TO MY BIRTH MUM ANNETTE 

 

To my birth mum Annette

Thank you for giving me life

How i wish that i could have met you

It would have been a dream come true

 

I often tried to picture your face

And wondered if you looked like me

I would have loved to have heard your voice

Speaking in your native Kerry accent

 

I often thought of you 

And wondered if you thought of me

I wanted you to know i had a good life

Raised by a loving mum and dad

 

Back in 1966 when i was born

Life was different back then

It breaks my heart to think you might have suffered

And all you would have gone through

 

Recently when i found your daughter

It was bitter sweet

I was so happy to have found her

But sad to learn that you were gone

 

But to hear that you treasured a photo

Carefully protected in plastic

It was you holding me as an infant

Shortly before i was adopted

 

You never got a chance to tell your children

As God had called you home

But i will always be grateful to you 

Thank you for giving me life 

 

Helen Kiely O Regan ©

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I’M A SECRET OF THE PAST

 

I’m a secret of the past

Born in ‘66 in Bessboro, Cork

Life was so different back then

When laws were extremely hard and strict

 

I’ve always felt that I was different

Like feeling that part of me was missing

Over the years I often wondered

Who I was and from where I came

 

I’ve started to find some needed answers

But I’m still hitting too many walls

A few doors open, but many stay shut

I know I have to earn their trust

 

I’ll never know what my birth mum faced

As sadly, she’s no longer here

I’d like to think she’s looking down

And smiling happily upon us all

 

I never want to cause upset

But I only wish to meet my blood

Even though I am a secret

The truth is real - I exist

 

Helen Kiely-O’Regan©

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TO MY LOVELY MUM AND DAD

 

To my lovely mum and dad

Known to some as Gerald and Maureen

Thank you loads for choosing me

And raising me as your very own

 

You brought me home at four months old

Nurtured me throughout my life

I never wanted for anything

Cos I had the best of everything 

 

Other people often made rude comments

That I was only an adopted child

But you both always tried your best

To show me that I was your child

 

You were both so very special

And I was blessed in many ways

I always believed that I had the best

Mum and Dad in the whole wide world

 

You were often strict and cross

But it was only to keep me safe

I didn’t know the world was dangerous

You protected me and showed just love

 

So thank you, thank you Mum and Dad

I was blessed to have you both

Even though you’re now in Heaven

I know I’ll see you again one day

……….I love you so much Mum and Dad…….

 

Helen Kiely-O’Regan©

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TO MY BIRTH FAMILY

 

For most of my life I often wondered

Who I looked like and who you were

I tried to imagine faces and names

And often thought, did you think of me

 

Growing up wasn’t always easy

I often faced ignorant comments

But I had very loving parents

Who always did their best for me

 

Finally, I decided to do my DNA

And it led to some of you

It’s early days in this shock surprise

I was a bolt out of the blue

 

You didn’t know I ever existed

And some felt nervous about it all

But please, please know, that you can trust me

I will never ever cause upset

 

I’d only like to know you all

But at a pace that just suits you

It’s been a dream for far too long

But I’ll hold back until you call

 

I would have loved to have met Annette

And thank her for what she sacrificed

I’d like to think she’s looking down

And smiling with happiness upon us all

 

Helen Kiely-O’Regan©

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IN THIS JOURNEY OF MY LIFE

 

In this journey of my life 

From my birth to my age now 

Many people have come and gone 

Some left big impact as they led a big role 

 

Others stepped in and out 

As they passed a certain length of time 

Each touched my heart in different ways 

And most I'll never forget on my journey home

 

Life started with my birth mum Annette 

As she gave me the precious gift of life

I will never forget what she sacrificed

As what I owe her could never be repaid 

 

Then came my adoptive mum and dad

Who nurtured me from four months old 

They molded me into what I am today

Another gift impossible to pay back 

 

Other family took up their precious roles 

From grandparents to aunts and uncles

A few close cousins made it complete 

Marie Gerene, my cousin sister, my best friend 

 

Later in my twenties, my first husband Joe 

My Mexican who tried his best for me 

With ups and downs in New York City 

Still we parted as the best of friends 

 

Other friends joined this adventurous trail I'm on 

Some got close and others stayed a little bit back 

Husband 2 took his place in Arizona 

My Navajo family always in my heart 

 

Then came my best friend, my husband Michael 

My true love, my soul mate forever 

A proud Corkman who sacrificed to love me 

My love for him will be eternal

 

And all the close friends I have today 

Are very precious in my life 

Then my wonderful Cork sis came on board 

Along with all my beautiful nieces 

 

Finding some of my birth family 

Was like the circle coming together 

I'm so blessed and happy to have found them

It's like I have the best of both worlds 

 

I've been on this journey for 56 years 

How long is left, only God knows

But life is precious and words are magic 

Saying the right ones is so important. 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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MY TWO MOMS, BIRTH & ADOPTED

 

What is a mother 

For me there are two 

The lady who gave me life 

And the lady who nurtured me 

 

First there was Annette

Who gave birth to me 

Then there was Maureen

Who adopted me and brought me up

 

Only someone who is adopted 

Can possibly understand

What it's like to have two moms 

And what they both mean to me 

 

They never got to meet

Maybe now in Heaven they have

I love and thank them both 

For the lady I am today 

 

So I feel so blessed to know 

That I'm part of both of them 

And to my adopted dad, Gerald 

Who spoiled me all he could 

 

So thank you Annette and Maureen

For what you both did for me 

I know it wasn't easy

For all you sacrificed

 

Love you both 💕💕💕

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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TWO SISTERS 

 

Two sisters in different places 

Both carrying a child they kept a secret 

They had no choice, they were different times 

They tried their best for all concerned 

 

But the heartache was very raw

They lived the rest of their lives carrying the pain 

They'd always wonder what had happened 

To both the children who were taken away

 

The sisters were young, they weren't given a choice 

Forced by society to give for adoption 

No one knew what they had gone through 

Or who else knew each other's secret 

 

Two beautiful sisters who carried their pain 

Went on to live lives the best they could 

They never got to bring those children 

And make them part of their family 

 

But the children grew not knowing the truth 

Only many years later, they tried to piece

The fragments together of lives and past 

They'll never let them be forgotten 

 

So thank you to the beautiful sisters 

For all you sacrificed to save your secret 

No one knows the hardships you endured 

In a society that didn't seem very humane 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

 

Being adopted is hard to explain 

To someone who it hasn't affected 

Each story is different but sometimes similar

And leaves a lasting imprint 

 

For those whom adoption affects 

Can be a birth parent, an adoptee or adoptive parents

Or another member of the birth family 

Some never knew that the child existed 

 

Growing up as an adoptee is often mixed 

You feel you belong but part of you is missing too 

Some others try to exclude you saying 

You're adopted and not really kin

 

My adoptive parents were wonderful 

They were my mum and dad

My cousin Gerene was my best friend 

I truly belonged to them

 

But looking in the mirror at times 

And wondering whose features I had

Seeing my friends with their mothers eyes

Or tall or strong like their dads. 

 

Even though I loved my mum and dad so much 

And knew how much they loved me

It never stopped me wondering what had happened

To the mother who gave birth to me

 

Back in those days society was different 

We'll never really know what went on

Sadly for me, my birth mum had died 

By the time I finally knew her name 

 

As an adoptee, I often feel 

Like I'm on the outside looking in 

I was a secret from my birth family and it's hard for them 

To process my existence now 

 

I want to belong to both of my families

My blood and those I grew up with 

I'm trying to fit in and it's not always easy

Cos life can be so short 

 

For those of us who are adopted 

We are all the very same

Whether three days, three months or three years 

Why not treat us all the same

 

The redress is creating another division

It's telling us we're not the same

But they need to know we are the same 

And united we all stand together 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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MISSING FAMILY

 

Watching long lost family tonight

I cried tears of joy for them

Seeing them all reunite

With their families missing since birth

 

Daughters got to embrace mothers

And mothers got to hug sons

All reunited in happiness

Their families now complete

 

But I can’t help being sad for me

As I’ll never get to meet my birth mum

Because over thirty years ago

The good Lord called her home

 

I’ll never get to say thank you

For all she sacrificed

I’ll never get to give her a hug

Or feel her loving embrace

 

I would have loved to have heard her voice

I try to imagine it in my mind

How she would have laughed or spoken

In her native Kerry accent

 

Growing up I had a loving family

And a wonderful mum and dad

But a huge part of me was missing

As I never knew my blood

 

Seeing my family all together

They all were flesh and blood

Even though they loved me and I loved them

I couldn’t see my own face

 

I always wondered who I looked like

And whose eyes I had

I would make up stories in my head

And hoped my dreams would come true

 

I’m so glad to have found some cousins

And to know I share their blood

I am thankful to my birth mum’s children

For being so good about me

 

Helen Kiely-O’Regan©

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MY ROOTS

 

Someone asked me once

Where from in Ireland I come 

My reply was I'd have to think 

As I am quite a mixture 

 

First, I was born in Cork City 

In Bessboro Mother and Baby home

My birth mum came from Kerry

And so I have Kerry blood

 

Then I was baptized in Killarney

In the Cathedrals Holy Font

Then I was brought back to Cork 

And adopted at four months old

 

I grew up in Bundoran

In South Co Donegal

Primary school in Bundoran

But Ballyshannon from sixth class 

 

My dad came from Omagh 

In the County of Tyrone

He was the brother of Benedict Kiely

And the uncle of singer, Brian Coll

 

My mum grew up in Ballyshannon

And her parents from Fermanagh

Mum taught in Cornahilta 

Across the border in Belleek 

 

Later on I lived in Killybegs

To do a hotel reception course

Then I worked in Lisdoonvarna

In the beautiful County Clare

 

I came back to Donegal 

And worked and had fun for another while

Then I moved to London

With my cousin Marie Gerene 

 

Later on, I moved to Dublin

Where I lived for another year

I became a nursery nurse

Where I got to work with kids 

 

Next it was time to live more life

And off I went yet once again 

Ten years spent in New York City

Before I came back to Donegal

 

Then I moved back to Cork City 

To the city of my birth

Spent seven years there with my husband 

Before we both moved once again

 

Finally settled in County Leitrim

But who knows what the future holds

But when God decides to call me

I will rest forever in Donegal 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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FINDING MY BEAUTIFUL COUSINS

 

I grew up with a wonderful mum and dad

Who did their best for me 

They adopted me at four months old

But treated me as their own 

 

For them I was their daughter

And they loved me with all their hearts 

I was blessed too with other close family 

Who meant the world to me 

 

But even though they are my family 

Part of me was always missing 

The jigsaw was not complete 

As I didn't know my blood

 

I had so many dreams and images

Wondering who they were

Not knowing if I'd ever find them

Or even if they'd want me

 

Years later, and thanks to DNA

I found some beautiful cousins

Can't wait to meet them one day 

For that long awaited hug 

 

I'm slowly building relationships

And I treasure them now in my life 

Knowing they are my blood

They mean the world to me

 

Sadly my birth mum had died 

Before we got to meet

But I think she's smiling down 

Knowing we are in touch 

 

There is so much to catch up on

So many years have gone

I can't wait to know my cousins

It will be a dream come true 

 

Finding my cousins was a huge joy 

An absolute dream come true

The past is gone but the future's bright

Lots of love to my beautiful cousins 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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STOLEN NAMES

 

They were made to feel ashamed

But they had done no wrong 

Banished from society 

Where they were stripped of their names

 

Treated like they were slaves 

Worked hard into the ground 

Never shown compassion

Battered, bruised and torn

 

If they even dared to get sick

They were worked until the death

Not allowed to have a voice 

They were silenced for their 'crime'

 

And when the day arrived 

For the new life to appear

It was snatched away so fast 

Many didn't even get to hold 

 

The babies who survived

Were quickly taken away 

Heartbroken mothers left 

Looking at their empty arms

 

Society banished them 

And took away their name 

Then stole away their babies 

Leaving a trail of tears 

 

Many gave birth in secret 

The stories rarely told

Punished for a crime they didn't commit 

And left without a name

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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IN DREAMS OF MY BIRTH MUM 

 

Annette, I wish we had have got to meet 

But sadly it wasn't meant to be 

I can only dream of what might have been 

If we had have got that chance

 

I would have loved to have heard you speak 

And feeling your loving gentle embrace 

To hug the lady who gave me life 

Would have meant the world to me 

 

So many things I wanted to tell you 

So many things I would have loved to have heard you say 

I can only picture them now in dreams 

And pray that I'll see you one day in Heaven 

 

My adopted parents were wonderful 

They loved me like I was their own 

I know they'd want to thank you for your sacrifice 

And to let you know what you meant to them 

 

I see others on long Lost family 

As they meet their mum's or long lost kids 

I just wish we could turn back the clock 

And that we could have got that gentle hug

 

I treasure the photos your daughter sent to me 

And I hope she knows how she has warmed my heart 

I am so thankful to have found her and the few cousins 

They all mean the world to me 

 

I can imagine you looking down from Heaven 

I'm sure your smiling to see us all unite 

But sadly you're missing from this treasured group 

But you'll always be forever in our hearts 

 

Helen Kiely O'Regan ©️

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IT ALL STARTED AT THE LEE

 

It all started at the Lee

The day that I was born

The Sacred Heart Hospital, Bessboro

Is where my life began

 

But life was different back then

And society had different rules

My birth mum was unmarried

And they took me away from her

 

Some shamed unmarried mothers

Telling them what they did was wrong

But the only ones wrong were those who shamed

And snatched away their kids

 

How could someone treat another

So badly, it’s just not right

I wish that I could go back in time

And take away their pain

 

I think of my birth mum now all the time

And wish that I got to meet her

But sadly she died many years before

Life just doesn’t seem fair

 

My birth mum came from Co Kerry 

And gave birth to me in Cork

I was adopted four months later

And grew up in Donegal

 

Now at fifty six years later,

I’m a part of all that I am

Cork, Kerry and Donegal

Will stay in my heart always

 

Helen Kiely-O’Regan©

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